When I shifted to this website I set the intention to write one post every week. To explore the world of yoga through my eyes, reflect on classes and discuss the practice.
I haven't done that. It hasn't been due to time, commitment, topics or want. It has been due to doubt. Doubt that I am enough to share my wisdom, doubt that my voice is worth hearing.
It is interesting working with this doubt in my practice. The moments when I question my teaching style I tend to have a student thank me at the end of class. The moments where I wonder if I should insert more or less wisdom, or if I should offer more dharma talks, I find that that which I choose to reflect to the class tends to cause a settling and a calm.
Anecdotally I have "proof" that I am doing okay. That I am enough even if in my mind I am not living up to the standards of the teachers who I have had who have had many years of consistent experience in teaching. But I have been thinking this past week that perhaps my stumbles, my intentions that don't hit the mark, that my sorting out my authentic voice is exactly enough.
In addition to yoga I also train volunteers in the realm of communication, listening, holding space and providing social support. I ran into a past trainee last night and she reflected to me an offering. That I am effective because I concisely offer knowledge and that I am on the same level. It was lovely to hear this. To have someone take the time to tell me why she felt I did a good job. It reminded me that sometimes it can be difficult to offer positive feedback, and it can be difficult to receive it. I experience this, so obviously others do too.
So I will continue with the best of intentions. Remembering another blog post that I read once about how we need to write for the one person who is reading, because perhaps the little nugget of wisdom is exactly what that person needs.
Thank you for reading. For holding space for me in my writing so that I may hold space for others. This is an interesting journey transitioning to more teaching, more internal reflection, and learning to trust that I am enough, exactly as I am, flaws and all. And so are you.